Is It An Easy Climb?

Is marriage an easy climb?
I ask this question because if you look around you today you will see that the rate of divorce is soaring. And this often makes one wonder if it’s not better to stay single. What is the cause? Is there a specific age for marriage? Is there a special reason for getting married?

Some people get married because they have found the right person, some get married because they are tired of waiting for the right time, some get married because they want to escape the troubles in their home (especially young people who are still depending on their parents), while some get married because they are in love with the idea of getting married.

Whatever your reason is, you should know that marriage is for better and for worse. There is no such thing as a perfect marriage and there is no such thing as a perfect spouse. You came into it with flaws why do you expect your spouse to be perfect? Marriage is a serious issue. It’s not a toy that you can discard when you get tired of it. It is meant to last for a lifetime. “Till death do us part”, that is what you promised. It is not till I find someone better than you in bed. It is not till your money runs out. It is not till I find someone prettier than you.

Before you go into marriage take a time out and ask yourself these questions. “Am I truly ready for this?” “What kind of a parent will I be?” What do I have to offer a child morally, spiritually and otherwise?” “What if he loses his job or business will I still be there?” What if my partner were to loose his/her beauty and prowess in bed due to an accident or sickness, will I still be able to stay with him/her? I am not saying that we should be dreaming of bad things only, but this is life and bad things do happen.

You need to think deeply before venturing into marriage because lots of responsibilities are attached to marriage. You are the one who will shape your kids’ lives. And you don’t teach children by words only; you will have to practice what you preach. Asking a child not to smoke when you are a chimney yourself is like asking a frog to sing instead of croak.

Personally, I believe that marriage will last longer if we take our time to think deeply about it before we venture into it. And we should also watch our expectations; make sure that they are realistic. Happily ever after – especially the type Hollywood and romance novels offer – is a myth.

The reason I call it a myth is because the stories are always almost the same. All the heroes of romance novels and movies look and act the same. They all possess broad chest, deep voice, Adonis face and the body of a Roman god. And did I forget to mention that they are all skillful and romantic lovers?

The heroines on the other hand, are all slender (does that mean fat and curvy people shouldn’t dream of love?), possess angelic face, long legs, flawless porcelain skin and they are all passionate and irresistibly sexy. How many of such flawlessly beautiful men and women do you see on the street everyday?

The stories too follow the same pattern. The hero is always arrogant and wild, while the heroine is gentle but fiery and passionate. No matter how bad and disdainful the hero treats her, she will continue to stick with him. And at the end of the day she will succeed in taming and changing the hero.

The truth is that people don’t change people. You can only help people who wants to change by being patient and tolerable with them. If a guy or a girl is not willing to change, if you want, bring down the sun and the moon for him/her, he/she won’t change. A person can only change when he/she makes up his/her mind to change.

So getting married to an irresponsible guy or girl because you believe that you would change him/her is a terrible mistake. You will end up wasting your time and energy. So before you venture into marriage take a time out to think about it. And do it only when you believe that you are truly ready for it.

Marriage is not something that grows on its own. It’s like a young flower, if you don’t water it regularly, it will shrivel up and die. For your marriage to last you need to work at it tirelessly everyday. You also need lots of prayers, because there is no limit to what prayer can do in our lives. Marriage is always stronger when we put God in the centre of it. You can’t do it all by yourself.

So my dear friends, I don’t need to be an expert in marriage to know that it is as beautiful as a rose. And just like a rose, it has some thorns attached to it. And if you don’t handle it carefully, it will prick; and the wound it will inflict might take a long time to heal. Marriage is worth more than the cost of your ring, the splendor of your wedding gown or the awesomeness of your wedding day; so treat it as a respectable and sacred union that it is. 

Please feel free to e-mail me or leave your comment below if you think there is something i forgot to add, or if you have more suggestions to make on the post. Thank you and may God grant you a blessed and happy life.

The Power of Doubt 2...

Doubt is a state of being unsure of something.

Out of the twelve men in the boat Peter was the only one that asked Jesus to let him come to Him.
What made Peter ask Jesus to let him come to Him. Faith! It was faith, he asked because he believed. And because he believed, he got what he asked for.

Faith is strong. And with faith there is no limit to what you can do. But faith has one arch enemy. And the name of that enemy is doubt.

Peter started sinking when doubt entered his heart. He called out to Jesus,” Lord save me!” and Jesus came and restored him back on his feet. Jesus said to him, “how little faith you have! Why did you falter?”



Why did you falter? What a question. Why do we falter? Peter faltered because he removed his eyes from the Lord. He faltered because he allowed his problems to take the center stage. He faltered because he allowed doubt to creep into his heart and dwarf his faith. Me, I falter because of the same reasons too. How about you? Why do you falter?

Bad things always happen whenever we allow our focus to wander. I know this because it has happened to me many times.

I fall deeper and deeper into the treacherous pit of despair each time I allow doubt to take the place of faith in my heart. And this is senseless because it doesn't make the problem go away, rather it complicates it and makes it more difficult to bear.

My dear friends doubt will come; and just like it did Peter, it is going to make us loose focus and start to sink. But remember, whenever this happens. All you have to do is call on the Lord like Peter did and all will be well again. The problems might still be there but your strength will be renewed and you will be able to look life in the face again and say to it, “Bring it on!”

The power of doubt...

Doubt is a feeling or state of uncertainty, especially as to whether somebody is sincere or trustworthy, or as to whether something is true, likely, or genuine.

There is a genuine story that demostrates the power of doubt very well and that I will be very much happy to share with you. The story goes so... One day Jesus after finishing his teaching sent his disciples on a boat ahead of him, while He stayed to send the people who came to listen to Him home. He was to join them on their boat later. Then, while the disciples was on the middle of the sea they encountered a big storm that terrified them so much. They were about to lose all hope when they saw Jesus coming to them walking on the water. That even terrified them more because they thought it was a ghost. When Jesus came near they saw it was their master, then the ever bold Peter called out to Jesus and told him that if He were truly the master let Jesus command him to come to him there on the water. Jesus told him to come. Peter climbed over board and started walking on the water too. He walked on until he looked around him and saw how fiercly the storm was raging all around him and he lost the trust he had on Jesus. Do you know what started happening to him? He started sinking. He was about to get drown when he called out to Jesus again to save him and Jesus came to him and took hold of his hand and pulled him out of the water. (Mt 14:22-33).

This is a good example of what doubt can do in our lives. Just like Peter we start to sink each time we start focusing on the number, weight and height of our problems. The situation may be scary but it becomes more scarier and unbearable when we start focusing more on it and direct all our attention to it. What it will do to us is that it will take our ability to trust God away from us and we will start asking ouselves, does God really care? Are you sure God really exsits? If He does, are you sure He has not forgotten all about me? And if we are not truly strong we might decide to try another place. Even in different aspects of our lives, what we encounter can sometimes make us to give up.

The good news is that our God never fails no matter how long it takes. And for the waiting and the troubles to be bearable you need to trust God. Don't look at the storms raging all around. Just keep looking to Him and know that no matter what, your problems will never outweigh Him. It will only take a day to free you from that problem and that day may be today. So be strong!!!

When high is not high enough

I once read in a magazine about a young woman who allowed drugs to waste 20 years of her life. She started using drugs at the age of 15. She eventually got married and had two kids, but she was not able to stop using drugs and her husband left her for another women. Her kids sometimes visited their father, since they all are no longer living together. On one of such visits their father's girlfriend attacked one of them. She used her cigarette light to burn one of the boys' foot so badly that when they returned home and their mum saw it she was so devasted. She cried like never before and from that day she took a brave decision to go into a rehabilitation centre, because she knew no one would have been able to do that to her child if she had been responsible enough.

These are the type of stories you hear anytime drug abuse is mentioned. Many people have died because of it and many are still destroying themselves. A lot of kids have been disformed in many ways because of drugs used irresponsibly by their parents. What most of them fail to see is that drugs can never chase your problems away rather it will only complicate things for you. You conquer your problem only when you are able to live with it, only when you are able to stare it squarely in the face and feel comfortable with it. What is the use of getting high for 15 minutes in other to get rid of your problem only to have the same problem sit in your arm chair with a mug of coffee in its hand waiting for you to become sober again so that you two can continue where you stopped. Know this; the drug you take does not affect the problem in any way, rather you are the one who is been wasted while your problem grow fat and more complicated.

There is a vacuum in our lives that must be filled by God for one to be complete and fulfilled. Some people try to fill this vacuum with sex, drugs, alcohol etc, looking for fulfillment and satisfaction in these things, but they never succeeded. You may get temporal satisfaction but it will never last. Just like St. Augustine said: "Our soul is made by God and it can never rest until it rests in God." Why not try God today, approach him with that problem and tell him to take it away from you and see what he will and can do. Drugs can make you suicidal. But suicide is not the best option. Where are you going to go when you die? How are you so sure rest will be there, since you have not been there before? How are you so sure death will solve the problem? What if the problem follows you there, what then will you do since you cannot kill yourself twice? There is always a way out of every situation and the right way is Jesus who said that He is the Way, the Truth and Life and no one can come to God except through him. There is no reason to give up. If today is strong enough to come to you, be strong enough to face it, not only on your own but with Jesus who is always there to lend you a helping hand. Turning to drugs will only destroy you.

Marring marriage

The first marriage took place in the garden of Eden between our first parents, Adam and Eve. God was the minister who presided over that wedding. God Himself blessed the wedding and told them to go ahead and multiply and subdue the earth.

Marriage! What does this one word mean to you and me? How is this one word affecting our lives? One can not speak of marriage without talking about family. Both of them go hand in hand. Marriage leads to family and That is why marriage is a very important issue, because family is where the crown of the society lies. That is the reason we should be more careful with marriage and treat it with respect. You do not get married just because you feel like it, you get married because you know you have what it takes to face its challenges and stay married. Marriage is not just a fairytale. There is no happily ever after in marriage. You should not hope to live happily ever after with someone who is flawed like you. You should remember that he or she has both good and bad character. So if you are entering marriage hoping that it will be for you like it was for Cinderella. Sweetheart! you are joking.

Let us face the truth, shall we? There is bound to be trouble and no matter how you try to hide from it it will always find you out. The bills will come, there will be arguments which may sometimes end in a bitter row, there will be children problem, the dishwasher will become faulty and eventually stop working someday, the car will need to be changed someday, even the nannies will leave someday and the list is endless. So tell me, with all these problems that will surface someday, how can one live happily ever after. Let us face reality and forget the sugar-coated information we receieve from romantic movies and novels.

If you take a look around you, you will see that marriage is speedily losing its worth and the effect it is having on us is also seen everywhere in the society. There is nothing wrong with marriage. The only problem is with us, we allow what we see in movies and read in novels to control the way we feel about marriage. But all hope is not lost. Marriage may not be a bed of roses, but neither is it a bed of thorns. Roses are beautiful, yet they have thorns. If you do not want the thorns to hurt you, you will handle them carefully. That is how it is with marriage. When handled with respect and care, marriage can be the sweetest thing on earth. Marriage is the right choice you will ever make in life, because if it is worthless as most people paint it to be God would not have presided over the first marriage and He would not have blessed it either. So if you are preparing for marriage, go ahead and do it with joy, but make sure you understand the true meaning of it.

Who is a perfect bride???

Wedding day is a day of joy especially for the bride, whose dreams has come true. It is a day of great jubilee, but to some women the wedding day has become a very big nightmare.

I read some articles a few weeks ago about what some brides put themselves through just because they want to look like the perfect bride on their wedding day. How some of them will go to an abnormal extent of injecting themselves with all kinds of drugs, undergoing all kinds of surgery, starving themselves and doing all kinds of unimaginable things to themselves just because they want to look like 'Cindarella' on their wedding day. That is why I ask if there is anything like the perfect bride. The answer is, there is nothing like a perfect bride since imperfection is in all of us, so it will be a waste of time trying to make yourself look perfect. The wedding is just for one day, living together with your spouse will lasts for a lifetime. The only perfect bride is a bride who understands that the wedding day is the biginning of a new journey - that will last a lifetime - and not the end. The perfect bride is that bride that understands the sacredness of her vow and not the splendour of her wedding gown. The perfect bride is that bride that understand that marriage is a serious business, and not some play thing that she can discard at any time.

The perfect bride is that bride that understands that she will be a bride just for one day, but a mother and a wife for the rest of her life. A perfect bride is that bride who understands that her decision today will affect a lot of people. I am not saying that we should start treating our wedding day like a funeral day, all am saying is that we should not let all those frivolities cloud our mind and stop us from seeing what it is we are really doing. Marriage is not something you go into when you feel like and pull out anytime you start getting uncomfortable, neither do we calculate a woman's achievements by the number of divorces she has had. Before you do something try and know the consequences that goes with it. When you marry and decide to pull out when you are no more comfortable, what will happen to your partner and the kids - if you have kids -? Some kids are jeopardized today because of the rash decisions of their parents. So before you start it, make sure you understands all that is involved. And if you understand all these, don't waste your energy anymore trying to make yourself what you already are - a perfect bride!!!